New Hearing Aids

 
An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.
He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a
set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.

The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor
said, "Your hearing is perfect.  Your family must be really pleased that
you can hear again."

The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit
around and listen to the conversations.  I've changed my will three
times!"

Deaf Mafia

A Mafia gang takes on a deaf man to run their deliveries, feeling it would be safer
having someone unable to overhear conversations.  However, one day when he is
to deliver a large sum of money, he never shows up with it.  The mobsters track him
down, but don't find the money on him.  As none of them are able to use sign language,
they bring in an interpreter:

Mobster: "Where is the money hidden?" (Interpreter signs the question.)

The bag man signs his reply.  The interpreter says, "He says he had to ditch it in the river because the cops were onto him."

Mobster:  "I'm not fooling around!  You better tell me where that money is!"
(Interpreter again signs.)

The bag man signs his reply, and the interpreter relays, "He swears he is telling the truth.  He had to get rid of it."

The mobster pulls out a revolver and points it between the deaf man's eyes.  "Tell me where that money is, or I'll kill you right now!"
(Interpreter signs his statement.)

The bag man, sweating profusely, signs, "It's inside a shoebox under a loose floorboard in my bedroom closet."

The interpreter says, "He says he doesn't know where it is and he doesn't think you have the guts to pull the trigger."

NEW HEARING AID:

An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.
He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a
set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.

The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor
said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that
you can hear again."

The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit
around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three
times!"

HARD OF HEARING WIFE?

An old man was wondering if his wife had a hearing problem.
So one night, he stood behind her while she was sitting in her lounge chair.
He spoke softly to her, "Honey, can you hear me?"
There was no response.
He moved a little closer and said again, "Honey, can you hear me?"
Still, there was no response.
Finally he moved right behind her and said, "Honey, can you hear me?"
She replied, "For the third time, Yes!"

PIGS:

What language do pigs speak?

Swine language.

PORCUPINES:

What language do porcupines speak?

Spine language.

This page was compiled by WVicars1@aol.com.
It has been edited by Daniel Green.